Once the first piece of prose had been etched into a stone somewhere, humanity as it was born into that imagination, was faced immediately with the inevitable impossibility of knowing itself. What is this consiousness? How detestable it does seem! What cosmic purpose could is possibly have!? And a bird does crow above one's head, and useless rejuvenating rain does pour from the sky, and we are but atoms to this planet; tiny and insignificant. Then what of the ball this imagination has sprung up on? Is it not an electron zooming around the nucleus star? Is not the star a mere molecule burning into time like the countless other stars in this galaxy, and the galaxy merely an atom to the countless other galaxies?
We are composed of infinity, how could we ever know ourselves? I am trapped somewhere on a plane, and all I perceive is composed of my perceptions. With my eyes, I see the composition of this atom Earth. But my eyes are made of atoms, and electrons do zoom around their nucleus, and they are indeed composed of quarks. Well what is a quark made up of?
All the universe is but a quark or worst of all something far smaller; and I a mere connection of some entity we call energy bursting towards some reaction. When I imagine an atom, I see it as something without breath and thought, lifeless and un-imagining; something without poetry and music. And musing over calculus, and how an endless equation could represent an endless wavelength, and how an endless wavelength might just contain the notes of some infinite song: From quark to quark. From snowy medieval village to alien landscape. From the rise to the fall of waves on a star lit beach. From Mozart to Nietzsche. From cave drawing to Rembrandt. And it, under microscope, consisting deep down of all of these things and infinitely more, whispering a message of identity we are unable, in our equally giant and minuscule minds, to identify with.
12.20.2004
11.29.2004
I've broken my cerebral cortex
A street light shines on a bench, and a cloaked boy is wondering why a reflection in his eye makes him feel as though he should find the centre of something. A clouded puddle. A star explodes and blurrs its motion outwards, recollecting something from oblivion.
A convicted killer in her cell is slicing her wrists and writhing on the cold floor to the rhythm she'd rocked her daughter in after giving birth. Did Hawking predict that? The moon is rising somewhere, a beach darkens. An atom must be another universe, so small, so small.
She has become grey matter.
She's become useless awareness.
She's the essense of something and she doesn't know what.
The silver lining of her hair haunts me like a ghost as I crumble into catatonia, across these barren brain cells whispering strange things to me, as if she wants me to quiver from remembering the electricity of her touch.
A convicted killer in her cell is slicing her wrists and writhing on the cold floor to the rhythm she'd rocked her daughter in after giving birth. Did Hawking predict that? The moon is rising somewhere, a beach darkens. An atom must be another universe, so small, so small.
She has become grey matter.
She's become useless awareness.
She's the essense of something and she doesn't know what.
The silver lining of her hair haunts me like a ghost as I crumble into catatonia, across these barren brain cells whispering strange things to me, as if she wants me to quiver from remembering the electricity of her touch.
11.15.2004
To The Beat Poet
You fool.
For thinking you could weave yourself
into a poem that actually had any merit of meaning.
There is no beauty in colour, its just light hitting your eye.
There is no meaning in metaphor, just mere association,
like a dumb bird recognizes its food.
There is no reason to write,
surely someone somewhere has written it better than you,
saw it more clearly than you.
There is no word you can use to describe your pitiful emotions,
surely someone somewhere has felt them more strongly than you,
has suffered far more than you can scratch on a piece of paper.
There is no expansion of understanding,
no matter how much the cosmos explode,
you're still just a dumb animal thinking you're something you're not
just because you've travelled fast and talked fast over meager distances
and saw men walk on the surface of the moon,
doesn't mean you can be a poet.
But then again, who can be, if no one thinks anything is beautiful?
For thinking you could weave yourself
into a poem that actually had any merit of meaning.
There is no beauty in colour, its just light hitting your eye.
There is no meaning in metaphor, just mere association,
like a dumb bird recognizes its food.
There is no reason to write,
surely someone somewhere has written it better than you,
saw it more clearly than you.
There is no word you can use to describe your pitiful emotions,
surely someone somewhere has felt them more strongly than you,
has suffered far more than you can scratch on a piece of paper.
There is no expansion of understanding,
no matter how much the cosmos explode,
you're still just a dumb animal thinking you're something you're not
just because you've travelled fast and talked fast over meager distances
and saw men walk on the surface of the moon,
doesn't mean you can be a poet.
But then again, who can be, if no one thinks anything is beautiful?
11.07.2004
Drown in something worth drowning in
His smile spoke volumes of the Northern Lights. And just glad to be alive, to feel your ears crisp with the cold November air. And you realize you can't be a child anymore and cry, because what you see is so beautiful.
Syntax. Imagine a wave so large and so great that its covering the world,
cleansing all suffering.
Electric curve. An ivory dance.
Photonic dreams. Sway to a beat that no one knows.
Shiver. A rising tidal wave.
I open my arms to you. A meager dot of molecules.
Fill them with water.
Syntax. Imagine a wave so large and so great that its covering the world,
cleansing all suffering.
Electric curve. An ivory dance.
Photonic dreams. Sway to a beat that no one knows.
Shiver. A rising tidal wave.
I open my arms to you. A meager dot of molecules.
Fill them with water.
10.19.2004
God is Dead Lenses
So smash the glass and climb through.
Some of us can see clearly,
but few of us can think clearly.
There are just too many shades.
Some of us can see clearly,
but few of us can think clearly.
There are just too many shades.
10.07.2004
Don't Look Now
America, land of the free.
America, blending art with money,
mix and stir until there is no differencebetween creativity and unoriginality anymore;
whatever the people want is art, even if it isn't.
Miss Thompson teaches her grade ten geography class,
unknowingly also the same political process the generation is witnessing:
Abrasion. The rocks on a beach collide with each other
so many times that they eventually all look the same,
round, smooth and the sunlight bounces off.
Homogeneous reality. Talk the same, speak the same,
rounded pebbles, podium antics, invisible indestructable entities.
'we must win this war on terror.'
Mr. Janua teaches his grade ten chemistry class,
unknowingly also the same subject arises between extended metaphor:
Corrosion. The oxidation of metals as they change colours
breaking down over long periods of time,
no matter how great they were, and forced reformation.
Avocado deteriation of copper; unnecessary bureaucracy,
one party poses as two, atoms ionize and oxygen is lost.
"A republic and a culture so great can never fall to mediocrity."
But nothing could change the forces of nature.
America, blending art with money,
mix and stir until there is no differencebetween creativity and unoriginality anymore;
whatever the people want is art, even if it isn't.
Miss Thompson teaches her grade ten geography class,
unknowingly also the same political process the generation is witnessing:
Abrasion. The rocks on a beach collide with each other
so many times that they eventually all look the same,
round, smooth and the sunlight bounces off.
Homogeneous reality. Talk the same, speak the same,
rounded pebbles, podium antics, invisible indestructable entities.
'we must win this war on terror.'
Mr. Janua teaches his grade ten chemistry class,
unknowingly also the same subject arises between extended metaphor:
Corrosion. The oxidation of metals as they change colours
breaking down over long periods of time,
no matter how great they were, and forced reformation.
Avocado deteriation of copper; unnecessary bureaucracy,
one party poses as two, atoms ionize and oxygen is lost.
"A republic and a culture so great can never fall to mediocrity."
But nothing could change the forces of nature.
9.26.2004
Abort/Aspire
(pay attention to the title.)
Abort/Aspire
We both wanted to be artists.
We wanted to throw our souls into something and CREATE,
a magnificent example of human emotion to remember for eternity.
She always told me she was a little out of phase.
I guess our art was a little out of phase for art school too.
It just wasn't the time to get married.
Paints her house plants red and says they were trapped in their green skin
and wanted out.
Dropped by on saturday,
she's on the kitchen floor with her legs folded
and her arms stretched wide, with the light rays of the blinded windows cutting into her,
tears rolling down the shaded side of her face,
a sea of dead flowers all around: Painted red, I thought.
Opens her eyes and gasps with her hands flung to the floor,
"I can hear him cry", she says, a screaming sob.
"Who?", I ask.
"The baby...He wants to be an artist..."
Cold shivers, blurred vision,smug exterior, you idiot child, both of us,
but I know I'd die if I didn't walk over there,
hold her tight and try to listen to a voice that was a haunting phantom to us all.
Abort/Aspire
We both wanted to be artists.
We wanted to throw our souls into something and CREATE,
a magnificent example of human emotion to remember for eternity.
She always told me she was a little out of phase.
I guess our art was a little out of phase for art school too.
It just wasn't the time to get married.
Paints her house plants red and says they were trapped in their green skin
and wanted out.
Dropped by on saturday,
she's on the kitchen floor with her legs folded
and her arms stretched wide, with the light rays of the blinded windows cutting into her,
tears rolling down the shaded side of her face,
a sea of dead flowers all around: Painted red, I thought.
Opens her eyes and gasps with her hands flung to the floor,
"I can hear him cry", she says, a screaming sob.
"Who?", I ask.
"The baby...He wants to be an artist..."
Cold shivers, blurred vision,smug exterior, you idiot child, both of us,
but I know I'd die if I didn't walk over there,
hold her tight and try to listen to a voice that was a haunting phantom to us all.
9.11.2004
Expand Your Mind
Gripped by nihilism,
he looks towards the night sky and begins to cry.
"Stop!" he commanded.
"Stop!" expecting the very dynamics of the universe to beckon to his will.
I walked up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder.
"If we were to stop expanding now, h
ow would we know what they're heading towards?"
"They're heading towards nothingness and meaninglessness"
"Ahhh, but life is what gives the meaningless a meaning.
That we can witness our existence,
be consciously aware of it on at least some level
and still be a part of this great expansion."
"Life witnesses nothing but itself."
I became flustered and waved my hand across the black blanket of the sky,
millions of holes shimmering and glistening.
"Then perhaps they(the stars) are witnessing themselves as well!"
My words were of little consolation,
as he now kept his eyes toward the worm filled soil,
just waiting to decay...
There was little I could do to cure his motion sickness.
he looks towards the night sky and begins to cry.
"Stop!" he commanded.
"Stop!" expecting the very dynamics of the universe to beckon to his will.
I walked up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder.
"If we were to stop expanding now, h
ow would we know what they're heading towards?"
"They're heading towards nothingness and meaninglessness"
"Ahhh, but life is what gives the meaningless a meaning.
That we can witness our existence,
be consciously aware of it on at least some level
and still be a part of this great expansion."
"Life witnesses nothing but itself."
I became flustered and waved my hand across the black blanket of the sky,
millions of holes shimmering and glistening.
"Then perhaps they(the stars) are witnessing themselves as well!"
My words were of little consolation,
as he now kept his eyes toward the worm filled soil,
just waiting to decay...
There was little I could do to cure his motion sickness.
9.04.2004
For Those Few Who Overcome The Impossible
She looked directly into my eyes:
"I'm going to jump the grand canyon"
You circles of resolution;
I wonder what they look like on those who really do.
"I'm going to jump the grand canyon"
You circles of resolution;
I wonder what they look like on those who really do.
8.13.2004
A neuronic construct
"Life is merely a random side effect of molecular interactions on a macroscopic level. It is without meaning or purpose. All that lives, dies, such is the nature of entropy. The fallacious idea that our lives, our conciousnesses continue after the cease of biological function, or that we have any importance or bearing on the functions of thermodynamics and the fundamental forces of this universe is, to use modern parlance...gay"
It is not as much affecting the laws of nature and becoming large enough and influencing enough of whatever exists on such a large scale, it is that we are glad to be a part of whatever we are a part of. Creation, life, music, love; even to gaze into that which means nothing and ponder that such a thing could have a meaning. That is life, and that is soul. That is what gives the meaningless a meaning. That is what makes the unity of our 'random' cells worth something.
It is not as much affecting the laws of nature and becoming large enough and influencing enough of whatever exists on such a large scale, it is that we are glad to be a part of whatever we are a part of. Creation, life, music, love; even to gaze into that which means nothing and ponder that such a thing could have a meaning. That is life, and that is soul. That is what gives the meaningless a meaning. That is what makes the unity of our 'random' cells worth something.
8.09.2004
Can you count the angels for me?
It's under your autonous system.
You have no control over it.
Monkeys asked to carve out my liver said it was necessary to live a full life without superifical bs. Synapses say that I don't give a shit anymore for making new connections. Synapses say we've had enough of shadows to paint a wall with cracks and call it a working relationship.
You have no control over it.
Monkeys asked to carve out my liver said it was necessary to live a full life without superifical bs. Synapses say that I don't give a shit anymore for making new connections. Synapses say we've had enough of shadows to paint a wall with cracks and call it a working relationship.
7.30.2004
Random
let us catch our gaze upon the sun for another reason to challenge what is said about the light,
and scourge into the darkness that we may perish people's lack of sight.
and scourge into the darkness that we may perish people's lack of sight.
7.14.2004
God Called In Sick Today
There's a thick black substance and it's running through the streets
and washing over streetlamps,
from melodic melancholy beats.
And it doesn't care that the birds still sing,
or for the fruit trees exploding into a genetically coded life.
A flooded honeymoon,
A star lit street corner gone now beneath,
An embellishing oily reunion.
and washing over streetlamps,
from melodic melancholy beats.
And it doesn't care that the birds still sing,
or for the fruit trees exploding into a genetically coded life.
A flooded honeymoon,
A star lit street corner gone now beneath,
An embellishing oily reunion.
7.03.2004
No one wants to know
You have to imagine what the catholic nuns feel towards the death of Jesus.
You have to imagine what Saint Michael thought as he flung those demons towards hell,
towards eternal suffering.
Oh what a sacrifice our human weakness, oh what a battle down to the twine of it all.
And you have to imagine what it must be like to burn in order to be saved,
and to be saved what it must be like to burn.
And what of those lost creatures, whom Jesus cried for,
and Moses marched for,
and how they came to be.
Was not Hitler once a human being?
Oh but its not so simple, no. Its never so simple.
A million scarred creatures doing the right thing a little too long to be right anymore.
Because in order to understand the gruesome truth we have to know it first,
and how we fear to know that dark corner where the sluts stay
with hardened faces.
And how we fear to peer into that certain line of poverty where there is never any return,
and that certain level of hurt, without regret, while the world forever burns.
And you have to think what the nuns know of Jesus when they pray at night,
and you have to think of what Saint Michael knew basked in his eternal light.
Funnel it again, FUNNEL it again. I don't want to be too close to understanding.
You have to imagine what Saint Michael thought as he flung those demons towards hell,
towards eternal suffering.
Oh what a sacrifice our human weakness, oh what a battle down to the twine of it all.
And you have to imagine what it must be like to burn in order to be saved,
and to be saved what it must be like to burn.
And what of those lost creatures, whom Jesus cried for,
and Moses marched for,
and how they came to be.
Was not Hitler once a human being?
Oh but its not so simple, no. Its never so simple.
A million scarred creatures doing the right thing a little too long to be right anymore.
Because in order to understand the gruesome truth we have to know it first,
and how we fear to know that dark corner where the sluts stay
with hardened faces.
And how we fear to peer into that certain line of poverty where there is never any return,
and that certain level of hurt, without regret, while the world forever burns.
And you have to think what the nuns know of Jesus when they pray at night,
and you have to think of what Saint Michael knew basked in his eternal light.
Funnel it again, FUNNEL it again. I don't want to be too close to understanding.
5.28.2004
Goobara
Fred 19:666:Give us this day our daily suppliment pills,
and forgive us our reality television,
as we forgive those reality tv shows before us.
Lead us not into American Idol,
for thine is the beer, the pizza and the weed,
for ever and ever
HAIL GOOBARA!
So yeah...The other day I discovered that Goobara was the only one and true God, and I got inspired and started writing a book. In a few thousand years someone will dig it up and all of civilization will be based on it's teachings, because I mean something that old has to be right when its telling you historical accounts of how Canada actually invaded russia with baby seals and slaughtered everyone.
Derricke 4:17-18:And in those days Goobara will crush the walls or Jeri--The vatican, and in his name will proceed to dismember and violate all that is inside, in the name of GOOBARA! HAIL!!
Derricke 6:29:Goobara will also bring a great flood of reality TV to the land of Sol, and in those days all previous entertainment purposes will be taken over in the name of the greater fat American couch potatoe who shockingly gapes at the next braindead trash piece of 'reality' you can shock into their apathethic turtle shelled skulls of vicarious existence.
So let it be said! So let it be done! HAIL GOOBARA THE ONE TRUE GOD!
and forgive us our reality television,
as we forgive those reality tv shows before us.
Lead us not into American Idol,
for thine is the beer, the pizza and the weed,
for ever and ever
HAIL GOOBARA!
So yeah...The other day I discovered that Goobara was the only one and true God, and I got inspired and started writing a book. In a few thousand years someone will dig it up and all of civilization will be based on it's teachings, because I mean something that old has to be right when its telling you historical accounts of how Canada actually invaded russia with baby seals and slaughtered everyone.
Derricke 4:17-18:And in those days Goobara will crush the walls or Jeri--The vatican, and in his name will proceed to dismember and violate all that is inside, in the name of GOOBARA! HAIL!!
Derricke 6:29:Goobara will also bring a great flood of reality TV to the land of Sol, and in those days all previous entertainment purposes will be taken over in the name of the greater fat American couch potatoe who shockingly gapes at the next braindead trash piece of 'reality' you can shock into their apathethic turtle shelled skulls of vicarious existence.
So let it be said! So let it be done! HAIL GOOBARA THE ONE TRUE GOD!
5.22.2004
Everything In Its Right Place
I begin to drink my Molson Ultra beer, and I cheer to Matt who is drinking a whiskey and beer mix, and keeps putting his arm around me. But they eventually leave, and me and Chris are left to drink our beer alone. Matt and Brian thought we had weed.
Always remember, in this life whoever has weed or alcohol is your best friend. He can provide another taste of satisfaction for the evening. He can drown away all of your self - awareness. He can make you a king in your own mind. He can numb your hopelessness, your drowning brain cells, your welfare family, your fishing villages that turns you into an Indian Reserve. Alcohol is the opiate of complacency. Just another beer, another buzz, and everything will be ok again.
Always remember, in this life whoever has weed or alcohol is your best friend. He can provide another taste of satisfaction for the evening. He can drown away all of your self - awareness. He can make you a king in your own mind. He can numb your hopelessness, your drowning brain cells, your welfare family, your fishing villages that turns you into an Indian Reserve. Alcohol is the opiate of complacency. Just another beer, another buzz, and everything will be ok again.
2.25.2004
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